The Dog That Bullies
I just don’t understand, I give my dog a great home, good food, lots of love and the best of everything. Yet the moment we see another dog, it’s on. My dog bullies. A big bully fest breaks out and I don’t know what to do. It’s ugly. It feels awful and I just don’t understand.
The whole thing makes me feel really bad and I’m really mad at my dog for it. Yet I love her dearly. What can I do?
As a professional dog trainer living on Maui, I see the imbalance behind the very basis of bullying in fear, in anger, in miscommunication or simple non communication, come out in dogs all the time. It is a sure sign of our society. When dogs are having problems, I get the call and it usually starts with the concept, “I wanted this dog to be different than he or she is,” even as we live here in our Hawaiian paradise.
Understanding the Development of Dog Bullies
We tend to be a society that wants to be something we aren’t, and we are taught this from the time we are young. Just the idea that you must have more, be better, and live up to something is a basis of instability. We tend to pick our dogs to match that behavior. Either we bring them to us in that state, or we create it all because it has become more comfortable to have discourse in our lives than it is to have peace.
We don’t even know what it is anymore to live a day without stress, anxiety, uneasiness. Is it any wonder our dogs’ are acting out in the same way?
Where to Start to Train the Bullying Dog Behavior Away
We need to start with a place of acceptance and move forward to be honest with ourselves about our true needs and who we are, rather than what every one else thinks we should be. We need to do that for our dogs as well. No need to make excuses, just start taking different actions.
When we don’t feel okay about who we are behaviors like fear aggression appear. It can show up with actions towards someone else or actions towards ourselves, but when the underlying feeling is “I need to be someone else”, fear is part of it.
Dogs are the same. They don’t know how to act in an urban society and studies have shown that they learn best by mimicking. The number of dogs bullies or who have bad behavior based on fear is rising. Doesn’t that speak loudly about how many people are acting out of fear and how we are teaching our dogs to be the same?
It’s really okay to calm down for ourselves. It will help our dogs tremendously.
Your Dog Needs to be Led by Example
It’s easy to look at bullies and point the finger. It’s really easy to do when people see big dog bullies acting out. The truth of the matter is that “bullying” is many times about fear and missing the chance to feel good about ourselves, someone else, our dog, or our relationships and it comes out with blame or ugly behavior.
- If your dog is bullying, first slow down and take some time to accept that you may be feeling fear, anger, or discouraged because of the situation. Then realize you CAN do something about it.
- STOP focusing on what your dog does bad and start encouraging the things your dog does well.
True, you may not be able to get through the “bad” behavior with your dog because there is in fact a communication disadvantage. Dogs don’t necessarily understand the English language. But they do understand your own sense of calm in that you have decided to stop blaming your dog’s bad behavior and seek help.
Get a professional dog trainer to help you learn how your dog does think and learn. Hint: It’s in pictures, not in a long drawn out explanation!! Re-wiring comes from repetition. I teach dogs a new way, than I teach you how to follow up with it. Quite gratifying I must say for everyone.
Practice Calm Courage
Stop being hard on yourself, or your dog and start to take steps to accept who you are and how you can make life feel more balanced. Dogs can reflect our behavior in such a huge way. Your dog’s behavior may be telling you that it’s time to stop and take a look at yourself. Slow down. Feel okay to be who are and to make choices that are good for you.
Know That Its Never to Late to Be the Change
It really is about taking small steps everyday using the things you CAN do while leaving thoughts of what you can’t do behind.
How Our Dog Reflect Good Behavior Too
I work with dogs all the time that have fear of other dogs, certain places, or people. I get to watch how a personality can come out with just a little encouragement on how much is already right and creating more of those feelings by actions based on what you CAN do.
Do This For Your Dog Right Now!
It’s a concept for everyone. Write down three things you CAN do to feel better about yourself and be who you are today and do one of them. Do the same for your dog! Take a walk, chase a ball, go for a run, and spend some time playing. Concentrate on spending more of your moments doing things you CAN do.
Please take action today and write at least one thing you plan to do for your dog’s well being in the comments below. Love, love, love Retweets on Twitter and know I answer any e-mails I get personally about what you can do to help your dog today!
Jt Clough lives in Maui, Hawaii and practices health, happiness, natural remedies and training for dogs and their people. Her way of communication with both dogs and people is healing and her training is effective physically and emotionally. Her work at ReVIBE | Dogs + Joy + Vibrance is for people looking to live healthier and happier lives through their dogs and her passion for it has helped so many to find more peace and joy in every day life with dogs. She is a dog whisperer for our best friends, specializing in private training and dog retreats. Her latest publications are Pumpkin Dog Food + Treats Recipes and 5K Training Guide | Running with Dogs.
