Three days a week I go paddling in an outrigger canoe. I get to be out on the ocean in the morning, soaking up the healing energy of the earth, the water, the sun. I develop relationships with those I paddle with.
As with any group there are certain personalities one is more attracted to, and some not so much. It is those that fall into the “not so much” category that has me really thinking this last week.
A couple of months ago I changed paddle crews. There were a number of factors that went into that decision.
I have always been one to want to workout at a level that is somewhat uncomfortable for the majority. I wasn’t getting that wow factor.
I’m also one to shy away from complaining, arguing, and just plain difficult to be around people. There were a few on my old crew that held these qualities for me. And lastly which probably falls into the same category, I’m not good with crude comments, sexual innuendoes, that type of thing.
So I moved on. I am grateful to find a crew to paddle with who are not only supportive and enthusiastic about life, but they paddle hard and enjoy so much about the ocean. We’ve scene whales and dolphins together and celebrated life as it is in the moment each day.
We’ve supported one another in just a simple, “Great job today, it was so much fun, have a fabulous day,” comments. It honestly is those little things that I love about this crew.
Of course it doesn’t mean that each and every one of us doesn’t come with our own issues. The movement we do, the focus on the togetherness, one rhythm and blend, all the paddles working as one on this particular crew has drawn a common joy while out in the majestic Hawaiian waters.
Tragedy on the Ocean
I received a text from one of my current paddle members this week about an accident with another paddling club. I looked at the time the crew went out and knew without a doubt before I opened the link, it was my previous crew. It was the boat I would have been in.
A double hull flipped while caught in a wave. Waves were rolling in. Everyone went suddenly from a recreational paddle like every other morning to survival. There was a high surf warning and this canoe though it was big and stable, fell to the power of the waves.
People who have been in the ocean for years did things that they normally wouldn’t consider, like swim into the rocks instead of parallel to the shoreline and into the safety of the bay. One person on that crew did not make it that day. It is more than sobering to think about.
Was it supposed to go that way?
I’m not sure why tragedies happen. I’m not sure if things are supposed to go that way. How can someone go out for a recreation morning paddle like they do all the time and not make it back?
What I do know is it made me think about each and every day and all the people that are part of my life. I may not paddle with that crew anymore, but I was deeply affected and connected to every one of these people.
It made me realize how practicing the habit of mindfulness is so important. It made me think about how complaining and crude comments may not strike me as something I want to take part in, but those in my life who happen to fall into saying things out loud are still good people. Their mindfulness may be out of practice and they may be seeking the attention we all crave in ways they don’t even know. But they are all good people.
We are all connected.
How many times have I complained? How many times have I been less than enjoyable to be around? How many times have I said something inappropriate? Many. We are all connected.
My heart goes out to the paddle crew that lived through this tragedy and to all of those who lost someone that day. It makes me more mindful of every single day and every single person that comes into my life. It makes me realize that gratefulness is about the good that happens every single day as well as those moments that may feel uncomfortable. After all, it could be a mirror on how to deal with difficult people including ourselves. Today I am here to see the mirror because I too am sometimes difficult to deal with. We all are, right down to our own well trained and not so trained dogs on some days.
I want to use the reflection to create the best day possible for me, my life partner, my dogs and all those people that are in my life.
Thank you for reading. If this resonated with you in any way subscribe for more on replacing bad habits with good habits. A concept I’d like to fill everyone’s mind with!
Jt Clough lives on the Big Island, Hawaii, and practices health, happiness and natural remedies, while working as a Habits Coach for people looking to live healthier and happier lives. She is a dog whisperer for our best friends; and studies natural dog remedies, nutrition and communication. Her latest e-book is How to Swim through Your Fears and Come Out a Champion.
20 Comments on Was It Supposed to Go This Way
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Vidya Sury
February 4, 2012 at 9:43 pm (12 years ago)That sounds like a devastating experience, and scary to think “what if I had been on it”. Incidents like these are very very sobering. I’ve had a few experiences like this – and my first reaction, later was one of overpowering gratitude, along with the acute sadness of loss.
I can only imagine how you must be feeling, Jt. Sheer fate. Was it meant to happen? In our culture we believe in karma, that what is ordained cannot be changed.
Chilling to read this, nevertheless. I get one lesson from this: with only one life to live, I would be conscious about being good, appreciating things and letting go of petty emotions that don’t do anyone any good.
Hugs to you, Jt.
farouk
February 4, 2012 at 10:35 pm (12 years ago)oh am sorry to hear about that, Thank God you weren’t on it that day. That’s destiny
God bless you
Fran Sorin
February 4, 2012 at 10:49 pm (12 years ago)What an incredibly powerful experience it was for you. And that you are using it to work on yourself says a lot about your courage and desire to get to the essence of who you are….which is the spiritual journey.
In the conventional world, this death was a tragedy. But there is another school of thought…which I lean towardxxs….that when we ‘drop our bodies’, it is only our bodies that we no longer have….and that we have finished our work on this earth.
I have never experienced tragedy…so I have absolutely no idea how I would actually respond…no one knows until it happens to them.
I have seen what can only be called extraordinary miracles in the face of tragedy from a few of my friends.
I am total agreement with you about knowing and living that we are all one. That you didn’t particularly like this woman is practically inconsequential. It had an impact on you…that’s all that matters.
What I have learned in recent years…in part by studying at seminary…is that when we are judgmental of others….their behavior is a reflection of the behavior/character traits that we don’t want to see in ourselves.
I have PLENTY of work that I’m doing in this arena. Practically every day I catch myself having critical thoughts about others. The work is that when that happens, I catch myself and try to pull my thoughts back to a loving place. Affirmations help.
Shadow work (plenty of books on it) is helpful in getting to know, accepting, and using what about us we don’t like.
We are all on the same journey….even if we don’t know it. And we are all on this earth for different reasons. It is mystical. It is magical. And it is awesome.
THANK YOU so much for your personal, vulnerable, and reflective post. It touched me deeply. xxoo-Fran
Alex Blackwell | The BridgeMaker
February 5, 2012 at 3:15 am (12 years ago)Jt,
I don’t know why tragedies like this happen either. But I do know when they do, the message is always that the preciousness of life shouldn’t be taken for granted.
There are forces greater and stronger than us, that’s why, as you point out, we need to rely on the connection that keeps us together – no matter what.
Alex
Betsy at Zen Mama
February 5, 2012 at 5:29 am (12 years ago)What a story! Thank you for sharing the difficult emotions that went with it. It goes to show that the choices we make in life we really do affect us but we don’t always realize in what way. Thanks for the mindfulness reminder, too!
Arvind Devalia
February 5, 2012 at 6:27 am (12 years ago)What a heart-breaking but honest story of a tragedy which has clearly impacted you deeply.
It’s only at times like this that we are almost forced to look at the bigger picture and reflect on our lives, why we are here and just how we can bring greater meaning to what we do with each precious day.
Just have to remember how precious how life is – and yet so fragile.
Sibyl
February 5, 2012 at 8:26 am (12 years ago)Wow. What a story. I was so not expecting that turn. I love that you turned it into a lesson and showed us all what we need to focus about. I really appreciated what you said about opening your mind and accepting people along with their idiosyncrasies. Such a great lesson and post:)
gina
February 5, 2012 at 9:18 am (12 years ago)Wow that is some experience. ‘Life works in mysterious ways’ is the phrase that kept showing up for me as I read your post. I”m glad you’re ok.
Petrea
February 5, 2012 at 9:35 am (12 years ago)Thank-you for sharing this JT. A very powerful story. As I was reading it it made me think of how important it is to listen to ourselves and our needs. Many times there is more reason that we are being nudged by our inner selves than we realize.
I agree that what we find bothersome in others is an opportunity to reflect on ourselves as well.
So many life lessons here.
Tess The Bold Life
February 5, 2012 at 11:52 am (12 years ago)Jt,
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sure you must feel it although that word hasn’t been used. I love the way you handled the entire event. It shows you walk your talk and are a force of good.
Paige | simple mindfulness
February 5, 2012 at 12:33 pm (12 years ago)Wow Jt! What a story! It’s things like this that immediately make me ask myself, “Does what I’m doing every day matter? or am I frittering away my days on the minutea of life?” These circumstances make me want to go out and do something huge and outrageous to make a difference to someone somehow. It completely turns up the heat on my mindfulness to notice every little second of my day.
Since I haven’t faced a major tragedy yet, I would have no idea how I might respond. It sounds as though you’re taking this opportunity to grow and expand even more. That takes a very strong soul such as yours.
You’ve obviously discovered how simply being mindful in your interactions with others and through your daily experiences can transform your life for the better. It’s amazing how subtle changes, practiced regularly can make such an impact.
Thank you so much for your story and your support. Please let me know what I can do to support you!
Loran
February 5, 2012 at 1:15 pm (12 years ago)I think the way it happens is the way it’s supposed to happen. We just never really understand the why of it. I’m sorry for the loss of a paddle member, on any team, as it is a loss for so many. Hope you are ok with it all, Jt.
Tanja @ Crystal Clarity
February 5, 2012 at 6:20 pm (12 years ago)Sometimes I truly wonder if there’s any such thing as something that’s “supposed to happen” – whether, instead, there are just things that happen. We try to make sense of them in our own minds, but I sometimes feel as though “sense” is a very human quality that we try to make the world fit into, instead of being something intrinsic to the world itself.
Regardless of the philosophy, Jt, I can feel the power that the experience had for you coming through in your words. I know you (like me) enjoy pushing yourself hard… but don’t forget to take time to be gentle with yourself as well as you process this event.
Thinking comforting, healing thoughts your way, my friend.
Blessings – TANJA
Angela Artemis/Poweredbyintuition
February 6, 2012 at 5:32 am (12 years ago)Jt,
I’m sorry to hear about the loss of one of your former paddling partners. I do think it was supposed to go this way. Your inner guidance spoke to you and you changed teams. It’s not unlike people who for one reason or anther didn’t show up for or were late for work in the World Trade Towers on Sept 11. The one good thing though is that is has made you appreciate life more.
Cathy | Treatment Talk
February 6, 2012 at 7:57 am (12 years ago)Hi Jt,
My heart goes out to you. So often these losses can never be really explained. The fact that you had just left the crew makes it ever so much more personal. It is times like these that we are reminded how precious life is. Being grateful and understanding our fragility hopefully will lead us to live more meaningful lives. Take care.
Lisa Frederiksen - BreakingTheCycles.com
February 6, 2012 at 8:47 am (12 years ago)Oh my gosh… I am so sorry and deeply grateful for you sharing your story. The reminder to practice the habit of mindfulness and to remember that we are all connected was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.
Evelyn Lim
February 6, 2012 at 2:57 pm (12 years ago)I am sorry to learn about what happened to your previous team member. Your post made me ponder upon how it is like to not be able to control or predict everything. There is little point to dwelling too much on “why it happened”, but simply to make peace with life.
I have been telling others that everyone has their issues, so let’s not judge too early. Some do not act wisely because they are being hampered by their past. So let’s practice some compassion for them.
I enjoyed reading your post tremendously, Jt. So much food for thought 🙂
Aileen
February 8, 2012 at 9:08 pm (12 years ago)Life’s tragedies often don’t make sense, at least not to me. They do have a way of allowing us to go deeper in to gratitude and deeper into mindfulness and so there are blessings that occur a midst tragedy.
I’m glad you are safe and I’m sorry for the loss of the one who didn’t make it home.
Lynn Fang
February 9, 2012 at 7:43 am (12 years ago)Sorry to hear about the tragedy. It’s great that you were able to take a life lesson from that experience. It’s true, we are all the same to varying degrees. The best thing we can do is practice compassion for those we don’t resonate with. I admire your spirit and courage to talk about this on your blog. Good luck with everything!
tim
February 13, 2012 at 6:06 am (12 years ago)I was of course very excited to come back for a “Big Island Dog” fix and see the canoe.
I miss my team, and being on the water.
This one really struck home for me JT. Any time I read/hear of a paddling session turned tragedy my heart goes out to the paddlers and the people of their Ohana.
Thanks for sharing your reflections with me today, I can remind myself that any “problems” I experience today are minuscule in the grand scheme of things.